My Mom and Me

Here is a photo of my mom and me that I just came across....  It was taken over 10 years ago, before my mom got sick and died....  

An Essay on Religion in My Life

My earliest memory of religion in our home was when my parents and I, and a younger sister, had Friday evening/"Sabbath" worship.  My dad played the piano and my mom sang children's songs to us, with finger actions.  It was a pleasant time and helped me to appreciate the acts of praising and worshiping God....  There was a Higher Power....  We also had a set of detailed, children's Bible story books with colour pictures which our parents read to us.  I found them very interesting.

My parents had pressures on them and, unfortunately, they divorced later on.  The first separation came just before my 14th birthday.  But if I had a resume for my high school years, I believe it would be very strong in my employment and interests.  

In college, I started out well but my mental health was slowly crashing, and something happened just after I dropped out of college....  With my religion, I knew about "faith and works," like it says in James 2, in the Bible.  I thought that if I showed that I was living a good life, then God would say that I can be saved....  But we had some preachers who specialized in "righteousness by faith," at the time; and I learned that we can be assured of salvation FIRST, and then we'll feel empowered to live a good life, with God's help.  Of course it made a difference.  

However, my mental health was still bad for a while.  I had a dysfunctional life, in some ways, and was socially withdrawn for about five years or more.  I held onto my faith the best I could, and as it says in Psalm 145:14, "The Lord upholdeth all that fall, and raiseth up all those that be bowed down."  I gradually got a lot of therapy.  I was able to do some work, and I got married for a while, and had a child.

When I got into the special police project, I knew that God had had mercy on me in my lifetime and I could certainly afford to show mercy to other people!  How could I not?

Right now, I believe that God is the Creator and Sustainer of life.  Jesus is equal to God [Philippians 2:6], and He participated in creating the world [John 1].  Deuteronomy 30:19 says we can choose life or choose death.  I choose to accept life, and I'm willing to live it in God's way....  I appreciate life.  Also, we can be "labourers together with God...."  1 Corinthians 3:9. And Jesus said, "...Lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world [through the Holy Spirit]."  Matthew 28:20.  I need for Jesus to be with me, and I appreciate it.  Life is a journey, and our spiritual life is a journey also....  

This isn't meant to be a thorough explanation of my life and spirituality but I wanted to share something and do a write-up for this second Waterlily blog--especially for my past college contacts, and for the prejudiced Christian police, if they're interested.

We Did Have Some Good Points...

This past Christmas season, I saw a number of family Christmas movies--as I stated in the original Waterlily Story blog--and they brought back memories of my childhood....

My parents took care of our needs and wishes in other ways but they didn't make a very big deal about Christmas.  At the church school where I attended, the teachers taught about the religious side of Christmas and about giving.... My aunt and uncle's family had a full celebration of Christmas with gingerbread cookies and all the trimmings, plus the religious side, and they invited us over every year....  

By the time I was 11 years old, if not before, at Christmastime, I had some of my own money from babysitting....  I decided to buy whatever small gifts I was able to afford for each of my family members--I wanted to contribute towards them having a nice Christmas!  At that time, we didn't talk very much about love in our family, but I believe I was showing love to them by giving the gifts.

My parents had come from Europe, where the big Christmas celebration was done on Christmas Eve....  It ended up that we celebrated on both the Eve and on Christmas Day....  What my parents did like to do was to have a dinner, and gifts were given out afterward; and on the other day we were invited out....  So, we had two Christmases and I really enjoyed it!  I enjoyed the entire Christmas season; and the religious part was meaningful to me, also.

Looking back now, I'm glad to see that my family had some love--not just from me--and some respectability....  And I believe God put it in my heart to give gifts to my family....  [I did it every year, once I started.]  (My parents gave out a few, simple gifts as well.)  Sometimes the police had told such nice stories about me and I felt bad for the problems...but it really wasn't all bad...!  And one fairly recent movie had told how some Jewish people have enjoyed our traditional Christmas, too.  (Jews have been involved in the police project.)  I'm glad they wanted to relate on this point.  

Behind the Photos--Part 2

When I was around 11 and 12 years old, I was teased by Christian friends about being "overweight"--even though my weight was normal, or near normal.  I began to take it seriously and made attempts at dieting [mostly unsuccessfully], over the years.  In college, I got worse and it took some years before I was able to get therapy for an eating disorder.  I found some help immediately but some of the issues lingered for many years....  I dropped out of college in the meantime.


Before I got the therapy, I met my husband-to-be at a small, Christian residential school.  They had unusual rules about "courting" and I had trouble dealing with the situation....  It took some extra therapy to handle this matter and I thank God for all the therapy I've received.


As far as my parents went, my father had told my mother before he died that they should've gotten counselling and stayed together.  My mom was happy with that idea.


My own marriage didn't last that long--we both had too much baggage....  Am thankful that God helped me raise my son alone when he was little, and I received social assistance which was for health and mental health concerns.  I did receive some training as a certified reflexologist; and I made efforts with photographic art, where I participated in an art show.  Later, I developed a serious interest in attending law school but wasn't able to go.


When my Landlord/Tenant and alleged, criminal matters came up, some of the gay police and their associates used them to draw me into the special police project; and I've been doing writing for them....  My ex-husband had also worked with police at different times, and they wanted his help; and I mostly found out after he died....  It's been a privilege to work on a common cause that he also worked on, as a heterosexual.


The police have had their false, gay story about me but homosexuality hasn't been an issue for me, personally.  I've had many other challenges but not that one.


[My parents were immigrants who came to Canada with my uncle's family.  They were quite a strong support for us, and we met regularly with a fellow immigrant group for social and religious events.  There was also delicious ethnic food and we had many happy times with all these people.]

Behind the Photos...

Have posted a lot of nice photos in this blog...and they're the good side...putting my best foot forward, for my family and me.  In the special police project, other people have told happy stories about me and I was responding with positivity/positivism.  But now I'd like to tell what the pictures don't show....


From later evidence, I learned that my parents' marriage wasn't 100% happy even in the earlier years.  And my mom went to college and started working near the beginning.  Also, her family of origin had problems, even though my mom was generally a fairly happy person, herself--at least in her social life.  My parents were only able to raise me and guide me according to what they knew....


As a young child, I was fairly happy but I was shy with adults and I was a little mischievous.  My next sister and I developed a minor problem with sibling rivalry, and our parents didn't know how to handle it.  They decided to move closer to a Christian school and send me there, which I was looking forward to.  My best friend had gone to a Catholic school and I felt it was a privilege to go to my own church's school.


When I started at the Christian school in the second grade, I had an unfortunate incident with my teacher which wasn't a major wrongdoing on her part but it affected me quite deeply.  I felt she was criticizing me...and my behaviour became worse at home.  [At school, I was mostly compliant.]  I got into worse kinds of mischief, once in a while, which included smoking a few times; and my parents tried to ignore it....


In the fifth grade, my brother was born and I had a good teacher who helped me, somewhat....  Things were a little better.  Then in the seventh grade, my school friends and I decided to get baptized by immersion; and my father encouraged me to take it seriously--more seriously than I otherwise would've.  It was an act of faith and my behaviour improved afterward.


Just after my eight-grade graduation, my father told me he was separating from my mom and it was upsetting for me....  He was home off-and-on throughout my high school years....  He blamed my mother and I sort of took his view....  [Then they divorced and my dad left the church for a while.]  Later, I regretted that I wasn't able to get  counselling and learn how to manage my feelings better.  At school, I did my best and did well, however, but it wasn't without some regrets about my home life....


Will continue separately.

Continuing Some Writing

In 2019, I found out that there was a little more--after all--that I wanted to write about my legal matters....  Have been doing that mainly in the first Waterlily blog....  Now I'd like to do some clean-up work in this blog....  To make my issues a little more clear....  Will write about my photos...and I hope some of the parties in the special police project will see what my challenges have been, and that I didn't have concerns about homosexuality in my own life....


Will write more separately.

Another Current Topic

A little while ago, there was a female, former RCMP officer who committed suicide.  She had PTSD and had complained of sexual harassment and assault at her workplace....  I was sorry to hear about the suicide.  Even though a class-action lawsuit had been resolved recently, the RCMP said there was another class-action suit in the works by a group of female officers and they were resisting it....  As far as I understand, the laws in Canada had been refined lately--not too long ago?--and it'd be hard for any man to say or do anything against a woman without having a problem.... 

One thing that strikes me is that it's very insulting for a woman to get any kind of sexual comments or even flattery about her appearance when she's trying to do her job...!  It's downright insulting!  Maybe the men could consider that...?  [In the past, some of the female officers unfortunately endured more than harassment and were allegedly assaulted....  The whole issue is a serious and complex matter to handle, in my opinion.  But I was glad for the settlement which had been made....]